Life

my life has fallen apart. my wife hates being married to em after a few months, i just want my life to be over. i feel like everyone would be bettr without me. i have screwed up everything, my finances, my marriage, everything. i was trying to lose weight, i was doing well, but now i wonder what's the point. if i continue to eat like crap i will die sooner and everyone will be free. i called my credit cards today and requested information on insurance. i'd claim bankruptcy but i don't want to hurt my wife any further than I have. if i go now she can move on. i am tired. i don't wnat to be the bad husband anymore. i love her so much, but apparently that doesn't count......

The Commandments of the Religion of Barack Obama

1) You shall not mention the color of his skin.
2) You shall not mention that his name is Barack Hussein Obama.
3) You shall not mention that his father was Muslim.
4) You shall not mention that his stepfather was Muslim.
5) You shall not mention that he lived in Indonesia as child.
6) You shall not mention that he is friends Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko or Bill Ayers.
7) You shall not mention ANYTHING about his wife's past or opinions, unless of course it's something that will help his campaign.
8) You shall not make the observation that his poor choice in associations (see Commandment 6) have anything to do with his ability to make good choices for our nation.
9) You shall not make any comment about his age, inexperience, or lack of experience.
10) You shall not make any negative observations about his campaign.
11) You shall not make fun of Barack Obama.

If you do not join and coerce/force/cajole/conform to the Religion of Barack Obama you will be ostracized,shunned, and branded with the Scarlet Letter "R" as you are a Racist.

Giving up

Giving up is so easy. Some days it seems like the only thing to do. But it's not in my nature to give up. this morning i was all set to prove my wife right, I was going to prove that she's right and act like a child, and do nothing for her. I planned to sit around make a mess and play video games. But it's only 9:15 and I have already started laundry, started dusting, and washed dishes and put them away. Why am I such a pansy? I never stick to my guns.

Do you know why? The only thing I can ever come up with is that I love her so much. I want her to come home to a clean house. I want her to come home to dinner on the table . I want to make a good life for her.

But when she tells me that I am a child and I don't do anything for her it makes me feel like I am worthless. I don't know what to do anymore.

My wife wants to know what is wrong...

how do I tell her that I am tired of being the bad guy. How do I tell her that I feel her when she pulls away at night, how do I tell her how much I miss you it used to be. How do I tell her that I just want her to love me. How do I tell her that I am sorry, how do i tell her that I wish she would forgive me for what I did to hurt her. How do I tell her that I am sad because I think I have ruined the one thing I care about in this world. How do I tell her that I am looking at our wedding pictures and remembering the happiest day, the happiest moment of my life and now I have ruined it. How do I tell her that I am lost and I don't what to do to make it better. How do I tell her how much I love her, that I would do anything to make her happy again. how do I tell her all I want is her love again. How do I turn back time and take one bad weekend away. How do I tell her that person, that weekend wasn't me. She told me the other day that since that weekend things have changed. I want things to go back. I screwed up, I know that, I know it, I want to make amends, but I don't know what to do. Please Lord, please help me. Please send her your forgiveness, and please send me your strength. All I want is for us to be happy. All I want is to make her happy, all I want is for her to love me again. How do I tell her that my heart is breaking because I broke our relationship and I know it's all my fault. I broke the only thing that matters to me.

Living Situation

It is so hard to keep my faith in the Lord. I am trying and it is hard. I have prayed to the Lord and asked that if living here is not the right answer that he would send a buyer for this house. I have kept faith, but I have my doubts. My wife hates our living situation and rather that have faith that the Lord has a plan she fights with me and blames me and makes me feel like shit about this situation. Everytime we have an argument I find it harder and harder to keep my faith. I love my wife dearly, I want to do everything I can to make her happy, but it is so hard. I am usually a very optimistic and happy person, but she has worn me down, and now I am feeling dejected, worthless and sad.

Lord, please send me a sign, please help me.

Return

It's been a long time between posts. Sorry about that (as if anyone reads my blog, but things have been hectic. Getting ready for the wedding, getting married, going on the honeymoon, getting home, and on top of that finding a new job. I am now married, soon to be unemployed, and things are not going as I dreamed. My wife and I have been arguing about our apartment, which we share with a roommate and 3 dogs. She wants to move, as in move yesterday. She thinks I do not understand her frustration with our living situation. She thinks I don't understand how much of a joykill it is having a roommate and not having privacy. She thinks I enjoy living here.

I don't. I hate it, I hate living with a roommate, I hate not being alone with the woman I love more than life itself, I hate dreading her coming home and him, or my downstairs relatives doing something to upset her. This is not how I pictured my life.

My only consolation is that I put my faith in God and I know he has a plan for us. I pray for answers and I try to put faith in those prayers. I prayed that God would tell me where to live, do I move now, or wait to see if we can move into the downstairs apartment. I think he will give me an answer, if someone buys the house, we move, if not, we go downstairs. That is the answer that God sent me, and I am trying to obey him and wait and see. I wonder if God knows what it is to live with an impatient woman, I suppose he must know it, but has he experienced it. I guess he is experiencing it through me, and I hope that he grants me some measure of peace and patience and pity.

Book Review #4

The Richard will be review 3 books in this review. The reason being is this is a magnificent series, Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams. The Richard has been meaning to read this series for some time and has finally received all the books. This series comprises of The Dragonbone Chair, The Stone of Farewell, and To Green Angel Tower. The Richard was not disappointed, this series met all expectations, the only thing disappointing is that it ended. This series earns an 8 out of 10. The action and relationships in this Trilogy do not let you down and the ending will satisfy everything. If you like fantasy, you will like this series.

Book Review #3

The third book returns to a more normal selection for The Richard. The Lord of the Silent Kingdom is the second book of the Instrumentalities of the Night by Glen Cook. The previous book earned a 7 out of 10, and this one earns itself a full 8 out of 10 stars. The politics, intrigue, and fanatacism pull you into this book so deeply, it's hard to put it down. Excellent work by an excellent author.

Book Review #2

The second book of the year is One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. This is not usually the type of book the Richard would read, however, the Richard's girlfriend was reading it and he picked it up and read it through. This book earned 5 out of 10 stars. It details the lives of a family througout several generations. This story would have earned higher stars, but it had some confusing elements such as similar names, and histories, it was very hard to follow in certain places, but the story did intrigue.

Review #1

The first Book of the Year wasThe Tyranny of the Night: Book One of the Instrumentalities of the Night by Glen Cook. This book started off slow, but quickly sped up. The Richard would give this book a 7 out of 10 stars. If you are interested in politics, war, and religion, this book has it all. Throw in a mix of soul searching, betrayal and manipulation. The elements of politics and religion in politics are worked beautifully into the story. The Richard highly recommends yet another Glen Cook series, and wonders why he has missed this author previously.

Obstinate

The Richard is stubborn, he has always been so. But his fiance is obstinate,
stubborn and a control freak. She always does what she wants, when she wants, if she wants. Somebody tries to do something nice for her and she gets all pissed because it's not being done her way. She makes the littlest thing blow up into a huge deal. She makes the Richard so angry sometimes.

New Year

Good Morning Everyone or no one, depending on who is reading.

The Richard has lost two posts over the past month sent from his I-Phone. Very vexing it is. From today on the Richard will be listing, and reviewing everything he reads for the year.

First Book of the Year The Tyranny of the Night: Book One of the Instrumentalities of the Night by Glen Cook. This is the 5Th Glen Cook novel the Richard has read in the past month. This is the best author the Richard has read in quite some time and I will review this book in a few days once it has bene put to rest. The other books of his I have recently read are Chronicles of the Black Company and Sweet Silver Blues (Garrett Files).

The Black Company was amazing and the Richard is getting very antsy to get his hands on the rest of the books. The Richard wasn't all that sure about the Garrett File books, but he has to say getting the first book was a great surprise for Christmas and the rest of that series will also be coming home soon.

There will be more posts to come, the Richard has been lackadaisical in his blogging, but that is going to change.